It's All About Balance

I am someone who, when having an idea or setting a goal, is determined to accomplish it.  The studio is a perfect example of this.  I knew from very early on in my yoga practice that I would teach and open a studio.

It took me nearly ten years to achieve this goal, but I did.  In the ten years prior to opening, I was continuously working on myself and on plans for the studio that has developed into an amazing place for people to come to, practice their yoga and change their lives day by day as I continue to do each day with myself.  Aside from being a mother, it has been one of the toughest things I have done in my life.  And like motherhood, it has been most rewarding.

This past March, I came up with the idea to practice 100 days of yoga in 100 consecutive days.  I am unsure as to what intrigued me enough to commit to this, but I found myself easily showing up each day and happily practicing side-by-side many of you who continued on with your practices.

During this time, I also decided to cut back my sugar intake as I, very easily and much too often, find myself consuming more sugar in a day than food of high nutritional value. It was relatively easy for me to do this because I was already practicing so much yoga and feeling so good that it seemed almost automatic to give up my sugar habit.  I found myself very clear minded and able to be more efficient, getting things done with more ease and productivity.
I was in a great place, feeling strong and accomplished.

At about 60 days in, I found myself questioning whether to continue or not.  At the time, I thought I was just hitting a wall and I expected it to pass.

But, after having two major studio events on back-to-back weekends and a few weeks where I had to double up on my teaching schedule, I found that my life was completely out of balance.  I hadn't sat down with my family in over a month for dinner.  Bill was picking up too much of kid responsibilities and although he was willing to do it, I noticed it was affecting his work productivity.   My kids where often asking when I would be home.  And at the ages they are at, 14 and 15, they are usually happy when they have free time at home without mom.  So, I knew this was something to pay attention to.

It was when I spent Mother's day in bed for most of the day exhausted and sleeping, I realized that I needed to make a decision to be better for myself, my family and the studio and students.

In yoga, we talk about three main things: Strength, Balance and Flexibility.  These exist within the physical body as well the mental and emotional bodies.  If you are working through an injury, you may not have the physical strength you'd like, but your gain comes by using your mental strength by showing up and working your best and your body will follow.  If you have a strong body, but limited flexibility, you create better balance for your body by learning how to use your strength to gain greater flexibility.

I had the strength and endurance to see these 100 days through, but I was losing overall balance and I had to decide to be courageous enough to use greater flexibility and change the direction of my original goal.

So at day 72, I made the decision to change gears.

I had completed 66 days of yoga in 72 days. During this time, I had participated and completed in the studio's 30-day challenge.  I participated in the studio wide "Grow Out Of Your Comfort Spring Challenge", practicing without water, doing a double, and wearing a bra top instead of full tank!!
I decided to celebrate what I did accomplish in these days and to continue on with a more reasonable yoga practice and connect with what I had lost touch with.

Here are a few of those moments that created a better balance for me: 

• Spending some time with my amazing nieces and nephews
• Going to the theatre with my daughter, Emma!  
• A day trip with Bill! Here we are wishing our son, Jack, good luck on his Chemistry exam.  
• Thursday night soccer games! Love how the boys' coach has the team run to the parents side line after each game!

Take care of your self. Be willing to be uncomfortable.

I have been learning what each of these mean for myself for years.  I find that every day, each may have a different meaning.  For example, during week one of our studio's Springtime Weekly Adventure, to take a class or several throughout the week without drinking water during class, I took all but one class without water.  The first day was uncomfortable, not because I was thirsty, but because I found myself wanting water when I would usually drink it.  I didn't know what to do at party time when others were drinking and I was not.  Do I look around, do I stretch out a bit, or do I stand still?  On the day I chose to bring in water and drink throughout class, I did so because I was feeling a little run down from the day before and with not sleeping well, I felt I needed to support myself during my yoga practice and give my body some extra water to help with my recovery.  The first day without water was uncomfortable, but it was not a lack of taking care of myself self.  In fact, I found it to be a better way of taking care of myself by giving myself this mental challenge to work through. 

Week two of our Springtime Weekly Adventure encouraged students to wear a little less in the room. Shorts instead of capris.  Crop tops instead of tanks.  Form fitting clothing.  For the guys, we suggested no t-shirts. This gave an opportunity to once again go against our comfort level.  When we can see more, we can hold our selves more accountable.  When we can see our belly, we are more apt to" suck it in, hold it in and tighten it up."  We can also look at ourselves and see what we are avoiding, consider why we are avoiding and making an effort to change. 

During my high school years, when not in school or working at my dad's store as a cashier, I could be found in a bikini basking in the sun in late spring and all of the summer.  These days, I wear only what will cover my belly and I knew I must take the plunge and wear a crop top in the hot room.  I pulled one out of a secret stash I had of what I would wear one day, but hadn't yet.  I quietly walked into the room and took my place on my mat.  I looked at myself standing in front of those mirrors.  To my surprise, one of my first thoughts was, "Wow, look how strong I've become."  I could see in the mirror the strength of my core muscles and it was a delightful measurement of some of the physical benefits I have gained through my practice.  I then started thinking about all of the internal benefits that I have received that couldn't be seen as well as mental and emotional.  I reflected on how I had handled a situation earlier in the week with more grace than I would have in earlier days.  I smiled at myself and gave myself a mental pat on the back. 

And then it happened.  I bent forward for standing head to knee and saw my loose belly, even with it sucked in and the stretch marks.  The feeling that washed over me took me by surprise, as thoughts that started to fill my head sounded pretty harsh.  I started to panic, wondering if I was going to beat myself up throughout the entire class.  I asked myself,  "How am I going to encourage people to step out of their comfort and learn to take care of themselves if I am going to beat myself up when out of my comfort."  I decided instead that there was no way I was going to go through this class feeling defeated.  Second set standing head to knee pose, I bent forward, looked at my belly and this time I thought of why I had the stretch marks.  Because I have two kids that I adore.  They make me a better person, they help me to want better for myself so I can give more of that better person to them.  They make me laugh every day.  They recognize my accomplishments as I do theirs.  They frustrate me plenty of times as I do them.  They take their hard day out on me sometimes.  And I do on them.  We laugh a lot, say sorry often and learn much from each other. 

Coming out of standing head to knee, I look again at myself in the mirror. I move my glance down to my belly and realize I am not perfect, in the sense that everything is sculpted and controlled as sometimes I wish.  Instead I realize I am perfect in this moment because I have just learned how to make a choice in my thinking.  By putting myself in an uncomfortable situation, things showed up where I made the decision to take care of myself, to be real with myself and to treat myself in a way that I would expect to treat any other person. 

I am over 50 days into my 100 days of yoga.  Overall, it has been enjoyable and somewhat easy.  It has been great to share in these weekly adventures with so many of you during this time.  This week, I practiced at the 6 am class on Monday morning, something I do not often get to do.  By the end of the day, I had hit a wall with my attitude about my yoga practice.  Instead of feeling like I am still gaining, I felt as if I am starting to have to give up too much.   I am unsure, in this moment, which is true. But at the end of my practice tonight, I felt amazing.  I came home in a great mood, sat down to finish writing my note to you and am thinking I will continue to take care of myself by continuing on with my 100 days of yoga. 

Thank You for showing up and for working hard for your selves and will all of us in that room. 

We have some great things happening this month at the studio.  Mark your calendars and be sure to join us!!! You are what makes our studio the best!!! 

Namaste,

Gina

Celebrating 11 Years

This March marked the celebration of 11 years as a Bikram Yoga teacher. I was reflecting on what brought me into the hot room for my first Bikram class that eventually led me to where I am today. 
  
Most Bikram Yoga practitioners can recall their very first class, with great detail: who the teacher was, where they had their mat, how they felt before, during and after class.  I remember nothing about my first class.  What I do remember about my first days is what brought me into the yoga room and what I received from my practice. 

 I picked up running during college, after putting on the infamous freshman fifteen.  I continued running throughout my adult years and after having my children, I started racing locally, including a few half marathons and two full marathons.  I found running to be an easy out the door and onto the street exercise that also relieved stress for me.  Often I would run with a double baby jogger.   Eventually, this caused an overuse injury to my knee and I was unable to run even a block.  A colleague of my husbands suggested Bikram Yoga to help with my injury and I thought,  "Why not."  I found positive results almost immediately.  It was not long before I was running my regular miles with yoga filling in the gaps to keep my knee strong.  But after a few months, my yoga became regular and the running was filling in the gaps.  I was finding my body to feel better and also I was handling my stress much better. 

My decision to go to teacher training had no logic to it.  In fact, it didn't make sense to me at all at the time, for many reasons.  But, I just had the desire to go and everything lined up beautifully for that to happen. Most people at training had been practicing for years and on a daily basis.  I had been practicing only five months and just few times a week.  It was what I was willing to commit to at the time with having two young children and I felt that I was getting the benefits I needed.  Once back from training, I maintained a three times a week practice and added teaching to my schedule.  I did do challenges every now and again, but always found that going back afterwards to three times a week worked best for my schedule and the balance in my life. 

 There have been times when I had taken a few weeks off for my practice.  There have been times when I practiced 4-5 times a week for an extended period of time. There have been times when I have practiced while on vacation and others times not.  But, after 11 ½ years of practice, it is still remarkable to me the benefits I still receive from the time I spend in that room.  I can see the long term effects that this practice has served me.  I have become a person I like a lot. 

I am now into my forth week of 100 days of yoga.  I went into this thinking much like I did when I considered going to training; that it was crazy and how do I have the time for it and can my body actually do it.  But I feel amazing.  I feel incredible.  My body feels strong, my mind is very clear. I am finding that outside of the yoga room, I am making decisions that promote better health as well.  I have been a lover of sugar for as long as I can remember.  I can easily fill my day with more sweets than nutritional food.  I cut that back considerably a couple weeks in to my 100 days and it seems to contributing to the benefits of my daily yoga practice.  I am excited to see my progress over the next sixty plus days and where this particular commitment takes me. 


Namaste,
Gina

A Personal Note from Gina

I have noticed that while this winter season seems to be a bit relentless, we have been privileged to  more than the usual sunlight and  it seems to have kept my spirits up.  Winter is difficult for me.  I love  the heat, which for a Bikram student, is very helpful.  But for a resident of Buffalo, NY, being a lover of heat can make the winter months, at times, unbearable.  I have also noticed that by keeping up with my yoga practice, especially on the days I do not have the desire to go, I have fared these recent winter months with much more ease.

I have been practicing Bikram's yoga series for over eleven years. I remember feeling so good those first months, thinking that I could weather anything with this yoga in my life.  I almost dared difficulty to step into my life, so I could prove my own personal strength that I realized through this yoga series.  And plenty of challenges and struggles have shown up throughout the years.  When they did, I can reassure you that I did not necessarily greet them with welcome or excitement.  Often, I was annoyed for the hassle of having to deal with these things that I wished would silently go away and so that I could get on with my life.  I have used my yoga practice to work through these difficulties, big and small.  During these times I always come away from my practice feeling clearer than I was when I stepped in the hot room.

I had one of these moments just this past weekend.  I was moving along at a nice pace.  I was easily catching up on things from being away the week before and setting myself up for a solid slide into March. Then, Friday happened.  A big blow out of nowhere hit and I had to put everything aside to deal with the situation.

As the weekend went on, I found myself continuing to be absorbed in the upset from Friday and the efforts to resolve the inconveniences that came from it.  I had to force myself to take class Saturday night, which helped to settle me into a good nights' sleep.  But, I woke Sunday, feeling like crap.  And this time, I chose not to go to yoga.  I managed to do a few things around the house, to make myself feel like I had accomplished something worthy for the day, but I went to bed still feeling out of sorts. As I lay in bed, the struggle to go to yoga or not the following day kept me from falling asleep.  Back and forth all night long.

I had committed myself to 100 days of yoga. Yoga every day for the next 100 days.  Day one was to start this past Monday morning.  When I woke Monday morning, the thought of having to step into that hot room on this day felt intolerable to me.   If fact I stayed in bed longer than usual, trying to somehow think of a legitimate reason not to go.  Maybe I was getting sick and needed a day of rest.  Maybe I had some paperwork to do that was time sensitive.  Maybe the kids had a morning orthodontist appointment that I had forgotten about.  I probably should stay home and catch up on laundry.  I am really hungry.  There is no way I can complete a full class without eating breakfast first.  At this point I dozed off.  I imagine I exhausted myself trying to come up with excuses.  When I awoke, I immediately looked over at the clock.  It read 8:30.  Without a thought, I got up, brushed my teeth, put on clothes, grabbed a yoga top and shorts and left for yoga.

To my surprise, I had an amazing class.  The first of the 100 days.  The decision to get into the room and practice yoga on this particular day proved to me how far I have come in terms of breaking though some old patterns that I could clearly see were limiting me and left me to remember and strive for doing things that would support what I wanted for myself out of life.  While I spent some time fighting with myself Monday morning about whether I should go to class or not, it came down to making the decision to simply go. To do something I knew, without a doubt, would benefit me.  This one class completely changed the direction for me.  

I believe it's easy for most of us to make things more complicated than they are.  I look back to Monday morning and have to laugh a little at myself for getting so worked up about a situation I had little control over and how I let that lead the way into believing that I had to create further disharmony for myself.

I remember so clearly a conversation with a friend of mine, who is in the field of social work.  We were talking about how it is human nature to want stay with something that may not be good for us because the familiarity provides comfort to us.   She used an interesting analogy.  She told me how in her experience as a social worker, children, abused by a parent, would often rather stay with that parent than to get taken from their home, something they know, and be put into a better situation. At first, I found this hard to believe.  It seemed pretty clear to me that if you were being hurt, the first thing you would want would be to be separated and put into the hands of someone more able to care for you. 

As I thought about how this idea applied to my life, I realized that there are plenty of things I choose to do simply because they are familiar to me and not necessarily the best for me.

As I am about to step into the sixth class of my 100 days, my commitment  to myself is to be willing to be uncomfortable at times if it means that It's leading me towards my better health and well being emotionally, mentally and physically.

New students will often share their apprehensions about starting their Bikram Yoga practice.  Continuing students often share what discomforts they have in the room.

What inspires me the most are the conversations from both, new and continuing students, sharing how good they feel after class and the things that have changed in their practice and in their life as a result of their efforts with their yoga practice.  Eleven year later, I am still in awe at the tremendous benefits available through this yoga practice.

I look forward to seeing where these next 100 days take me and I look forward to sharing them with you in our shared connection through our yoga practice in the hot room.

Namaste,

Gina

Gratitude Journal June 17, 2014

Last week, I was teaching a 9:30 class. It was a class full of mostly women. Many moms. Some college students. And one man, Mark Kent. The class seemed surprisingly hotter and more humid than usual. Although, I should not have been a surprise as summer is upon us, I remember it catching me off guard. Often with the seasons' change, it takes some time to accept the differences that come along with the freshness of the news.

The class was moving along with great effort and a desire to work through class with an acceptance of the extra wetness in the air.

Mark, who always seems to give 150% in each class, seemed to be having an especially difficult time and took a knee midway through the standing series, deciding to retreat to Savasana shortly after.

The class continued on with the same effort and desire as was started with.

It was halfway through the floor series, when I looked over at Mark and noticed for the first time every in my ten years of teaching the true meaning of Savasana. He was so still. His eyes, open. His breathing, normal. You could feel the fluidity of his breath and see the effect it was having on his body. One of my favorite postures to watch is Standing Bow. There is something about that posture for me. To watch someone mentally and physically move into this posture has always left me in awe. This day, Mark's Savasana was the grandest Standing Bow I have ever seen. I am not sure if I would sit in Savasana for the amount of time he did, completely present and so very still.

I told him, this class may be one of his top ten to remember.

I didn't realize until days later what I really learned from Mark and his Savasana.

In my ten plus years as a yoga student, I have found myself on many occasions, working through some of my "stuff". The stuff that often has taken me to my knees, physically and emotionally. During many of these times, I have found it difficult to get myself into the room. Although I tell myself that it is the place I need to be, I find it too difficult to look at myself in the mirror. The mirror, my biggest challenger.

On the morning of Mark Kent's Champion Savasana, I knew I was witnessing something that had a great impact on me personally. And the days following, led me to know for sure that if I can just get myself in the room on one of these days and simply be present in Savasana, I can reach something I didn't even know existed for me. Namaste.

Gratitude Journal May 29, 2014

I woke up this morning to the sounds of birds chirping outside of my bedroom window and thought to myself, "Oh god, I don't know if I have it in me to do it again today."

I hesitate as I write this and wonder will I actually click on the Publish button because I think I am supposed to appear that it is easy. I think I am expected to act and speak and write as if I am filled with great joy every second of my day with little effort.

Truthfully, this isn't so.

While I always have my to do lists for the day, it seems that, for some time now, I have been waking not knowing what my day will bring. Most days, my to do list has tripled in size by lunchtime.

Oddly enough, I find myself, one again, wondering who I am to others , but mostly to myself. I can write lists of things I do, or don't do for that matter, in my various roles as a wife, a mother, a teacher, a studio owner, a friend, a sister, a daughter. My life seems to have become a series of things to be do. Responsibilities to be filled.

However, I realize that the one place I find myself in complete peach is in the yoga room, teaching. I wish somehow I could explain the true value in the gift that has been given to me through this experience, but somehow words are not enough.

When I walked into class today, I was thankful that Choon was practicing, if for some reason, I was unable to teach. If I just couldn't do it, Choon was there to take over.

What happened instead though, as I looked around the room I saw people who I had chatted with before class started, people who I have practiced next to, people who show up and try their hardest to do their best and people who trust that I will show up and try my hardest to do my best.

I often say in class that you will leave class feeling better than when you arrived, feeling lighter and more open and filled with a greater sense of well being. I know that is true because I feel this way when I am with all of you. I feel this way when I am willing to be truthful to and about myself. I feel this way when I am willing to trust in doing what I know to be the most amazing thing. Yoga.

I am off to be and I expect that when I wake to the birds chirping tomorrow morning, that I will be filled with a sense of possibility and maybe a little excitement towards the day.

Gratitude Journal May 20, 2014

As far back as I can remember, I was always a person who wanted to know more, understand more, and was always curious enough to seek out what more was. As intriguing as this always was for me and continues to be, I find that it has often gotten me into a bit of trouble, sometimes unable to settle into just letting things be.

This past weekend I found myself forced to look at a pretty big fear of mine. And instead of asking why or how or spending time on trying to figure out how to change or fix it, I decided to do something different. I decided to react to it in a completely different way than I normally would have in the past. I decided to simply let it be. I let it be uncomfortable. I let it be filled with questions that I wouldn't consider needing to know the answers to. Remarkably, it turns out that this something I have been afraid of, that showed up for me to face, has actually been one of my greatest gifts. It has reminded me of my ability to be more than I was afraid I was not. It has reminded me to do what is right instead of worrying that it might be wrong. I share this because I have been given a great opportunity to be in the position I am in as the studio owner if Bikram Yoga Hamburg. I am continuously amazed at how the collective curiosity we share at the studio through practicing yoga together and sharing conversations together, makes us individually better because we do it together as a community.

So many times throughout this past year and a half I have felt, I have thought, I have said out loud, "I just can't do this anymore. This is too hard. I don't have what it takes to keep this thing going."

But then I walk into class to practice or into the yoga room to teach or find myself in conversation out in the lobby and I am reminded that I am hardly alone doing this. Thank god for each one of you showing up, having the patience, the determination, the strength and the trust.

Please know that for everyone of the thanks yous I receive, there are dozens said back to each one of you.