Last week, I was teaching a 9:30 class. It was a class full of mostly women. Many moms. Some college students. And one man, Mark Kent. The class seemed surprisingly hotter and more humid than usual. Although, I should not have been a surprise as summer is upon us, I remember it catching me off guard. Often with the seasons' change, it takes some time to accept the differences that come along with the freshness of the news.
The class was moving along with great effort and a desire to work through class with an acceptance of the extra wetness in the air.
Mark, who always seems to give 150% in each class, seemed to be having an especially difficult time and took a knee midway through the standing series, deciding to retreat to Savasana shortly after.
The class continued on with the same effort and desire as was started with.
It was halfway through the floor series, when I looked over at Mark and noticed for the first time every in my ten years of teaching the true meaning of Savasana. He was so still. His eyes, open. His breathing, normal. You could feel the fluidity of his breath and see the effect it was having on his body. One of my favorite postures to watch is Standing Bow. There is something about that posture for me. To watch someone mentally and physically move into this posture has always left me in awe. This day, Mark's Savasana was the grandest Standing Bow I have ever seen. I am not sure if I would sit in Savasana for the amount of time he did, completely present and so very still.
I told him, this class may be one of his top ten to remember.
I didn't realize until days later what I really learned from Mark and his Savasana.
In my ten plus years as a yoga student, I have found myself on many occasions, working through some of my "stuff". The stuff that often has taken me to my knees, physically and emotionally. During many of these times, I have found it difficult to get myself into the room. Although I tell myself that it is the place I need to be, I find it too difficult to look at myself in the mirror. The mirror, my biggest challenger.
On the morning of Mark Kent's Champion Savasana, I knew I was witnessing something that had a great impact on me personally. And the days following, led me to know for sure that if I can just get myself in the room on one of these days and simply be present in Savasana, I can reach something I didn't even know existed for me. Namaste.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Gratitude Journal May 29, 2014
I woke up this morning to the sounds of birds chirping outside of my bedroom window and thought to myself, "Oh god, I don't know if I have it in me to do it again today."
I hesitate as I write this and wonder will I actually click on the Publish button because I think I am supposed to appear that it is easy. I think I am expected to act and speak and write as if I am filled with great joy every second of my day with little effort.
Truthfully, this isn't so.
While I always have my to do lists for the day, it seems that, for some time now, I have been waking not knowing what my day will bring. Most days, my to do list has tripled in size by lunchtime.
Oddly enough, I find myself, one again, wondering who I am to others , but mostly to myself. I can write lists of things I do, or don't do for that matter, in my various roles as a wife, a mother, a teacher, a studio owner, a friend, a sister, a daughter. My life seems to have become a series of things to be do. Responsibilities to be filled.
However, I realize that the one place I find myself in complete peach is in the yoga room, teaching. I wish somehow I could explain the true value in the gift that has been given to me through this experience, but somehow words are not enough.
When I walked into class today, I was thankful that Choon was practicing, if for some reason, I was unable to teach. If I just couldn't do it, Choon was there to take over.
What happened instead though, as I looked around the room I saw people who I had chatted with before class started, people who I have practiced next to, people who show up and try their hardest to do their best and people who trust that I will show up and try my hardest to do my best.
I often say in class that you will leave class feeling better than when you arrived, feeling lighter and more open and filled with a greater sense of well being. I know that is true because I feel this way when I am with all of you. I feel this way when I am willing to be truthful to and about myself. I feel this way when I am willing to trust in doing what I know to be the most amazing thing. Yoga.
I am off to be and I expect that when I wake to the birds chirping tomorrow morning, that I will be filled with a sense of possibility and maybe a little excitement towards the day.
I hesitate as I write this and wonder will I actually click on the Publish button because I think I am supposed to appear that it is easy. I think I am expected to act and speak and write as if I am filled with great joy every second of my day with little effort.
Truthfully, this isn't so.
While I always have my to do lists for the day, it seems that, for some time now, I have been waking not knowing what my day will bring. Most days, my to do list has tripled in size by lunchtime.
Oddly enough, I find myself, one again, wondering who I am to others , but mostly to myself. I can write lists of things I do, or don't do for that matter, in my various roles as a wife, a mother, a teacher, a studio owner, a friend, a sister, a daughter. My life seems to have become a series of things to be do. Responsibilities to be filled.
However, I realize that the one place I find myself in complete peach is in the yoga room, teaching. I wish somehow I could explain the true value in the gift that has been given to me through this experience, but somehow words are not enough.
When I walked into class today, I was thankful that Choon was practicing, if for some reason, I was unable to teach. If I just couldn't do it, Choon was there to take over.
What happened instead though, as I looked around the room I saw people who I had chatted with before class started, people who I have practiced next to, people who show up and try their hardest to do their best and people who trust that I will show up and try my hardest to do my best.
I often say in class that you will leave class feeling better than when you arrived, feeling lighter and more open and filled with a greater sense of well being. I know that is true because I feel this way when I am with all of you. I feel this way when I am willing to be truthful to and about myself. I feel this way when I am willing to trust in doing what I know to be the most amazing thing. Yoga.
I am off to be and I expect that when I wake to the birds chirping tomorrow morning, that I will be filled with a sense of possibility and maybe a little excitement towards the day.
Gratitude Journal May 20, 2014
As far back as I can remember, I was always a person who wanted to know more, understand more, and was always curious enough to seek out what more was. As intriguing as this always was for me and continues to be, I find that it has often gotten me into a bit of trouble, sometimes unable to settle into just letting things be.
This past weekend I found myself forced to look at a pretty big fear of mine. And instead of asking why or how or spending time on trying to figure out how to change or fix it, I decided to do something different. I decided to react to it in a completely different way than I normally would have in the past. I decided to simply let it be. I let it be uncomfortable. I let it be filled with questions that I wouldn't consider needing to know the answers to. Remarkably, it turns out that this something I have been afraid of, that showed up for me to face, has actually been one of my greatest gifts. It has reminded me of my ability to be more than I was afraid I was not. It has reminded me to do what is right instead of worrying that it might be wrong. I share this because I have been given a great opportunity to be in the position I am in as the studio owner if Bikram Yoga Hamburg. I am continuously amazed at how the collective curiosity we share at the studio through practicing yoga together and sharing conversations together, makes us individually better because we do it together as a community.
So many times throughout this past year and a half I have felt, I have thought, I have said out loud, "I just can't do this anymore. This is too hard. I don't have what it takes to keep this thing going."
But then I walk into class to practice or into the yoga room to teach or find myself in conversation out in the lobby and I am reminded that I am hardly alone doing this. Thank god for each one of you showing up, having the patience, the determination, the strength and the trust.
Please know that for everyone of the thanks yous I receive, there are dozens said back to each one of you.
This past weekend I found myself forced to look at a pretty big fear of mine. And instead of asking why or how or spending time on trying to figure out how to change or fix it, I decided to do something different. I decided to react to it in a completely different way than I normally would have in the past. I decided to simply let it be. I let it be uncomfortable. I let it be filled with questions that I wouldn't consider needing to know the answers to. Remarkably, it turns out that this something I have been afraid of, that showed up for me to face, has actually been one of my greatest gifts. It has reminded me of my ability to be more than I was afraid I was not. It has reminded me to do what is right instead of worrying that it might be wrong. I share this because I have been given a great opportunity to be in the position I am in as the studio owner if Bikram Yoga Hamburg. I am continuously amazed at how the collective curiosity we share at the studio through practicing yoga together and sharing conversations together, makes us individually better because we do it together as a community.
So many times throughout this past year and a half I have felt, I have thought, I have said out loud, "I just can't do this anymore. This is too hard. I don't have what it takes to keep this thing going."
But then I walk into class to practice or into the yoga room to teach or find myself in conversation out in the lobby and I am reminded that I am hardly alone doing this. Thank god for each one of you showing up, having the patience, the determination, the strength and the trust.
Please know that for everyone of the thanks yous I receive, there are dozens said back to each one of you.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Gratitude Journal December 17, 2013
Dec. 17, 2013
I am thankful for:
-a breakthrough. I don't know exactly what it was, but it feels nice!
-running home with Jack in the evening through the snow. Great conversation and fresh air.
-learning a lot about my software system and printers as well as my heating system. Because we are experiencing an unusual amount of glitches with both, I have been fortunate to get some extra schooling and understanding of these parts of my business that at first seemed perplexing to me, but I am finally understanding and appreciating them and their value to me.
-Jim and Drew for your commitment to our heat and getting it right!
- feeling less overwhelmed today, while getting an amazing amount of hearty things accomplished
-quiet time at the studio this morning
-realizing that the harder I try to make things perfect, the harder I am making things on myself-hope i get this lesson soon.
-starting to believe that what I am doing is good enough. That I am trying hard enough. That I am worthy enough. That I am smart enough. I think I may just be starting to value myself enough….
-the realization that I actually can take a situation and define it as drudgery or something of value. For example, last night, I spent another 2.5 hours fixing my credit card processing printer. This must be the sixth time in the past few months. Instead of getting livid about it while driving home at 10pm, I found myself happy that the printer was working again. And that was that. This allowed me to walk in the house, feeling happy and laughing with my kids about some funny things they shared with me before bedtime about their day!
I am thankful for:
-a breakthrough. I don't know exactly what it was, but it feels nice!
-running home with Jack in the evening through the snow. Great conversation and fresh air.
-learning a lot about my software system and printers as well as my heating system. Because we are experiencing an unusual amount of glitches with both, I have been fortunate to get some extra schooling and understanding of these parts of my business that at first seemed perplexing to me, but I am finally understanding and appreciating them and their value to me.
-Jim and Drew for your commitment to our heat and getting it right!
- feeling less overwhelmed today, while getting an amazing amount of hearty things accomplished
-quiet time at the studio this morning
-realizing that the harder I try to make things perfect, the harder I am making things on myself-hope i get this lesson soon.
-starting to believe that what I am doing is good enough. That I am trying hard enough. That I am worthy enough. That I am smart enough. I think I may just be starting to value myself enough….
-the realization that I actually can take a situation and define it as drudgery or something of value. For example, last night, I spent another 2.5 hours fixing my credit card processing printer. This must be the sixth time in the past few months. Instead of getting livid about it while driving home at 10pm, I found myself happy that the printer was working again. And that was that. This allowed me to walk in the house, feeling happy and laughing with my kids about some funny things they shared with me before bedtime about their day!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Gratitude Journal December 11, 2013
Dec. 11, 2013
I am thankful for
-a missed appt., due to weather which allowed for a great walk int eh snow will Bill and our dogs
-a visit to the bookstore with Emma
-my time with Julie G. this morning
Thank you, Julie, for stepping into the fire with me.
Jack continues to crack me up. Last evening he shared with us that he thought orange juice came from mens' breasts. When he was much younger he drank only milk, OJ and water. He knew I was the milk producer. Water came from the faucet and that left him with the only logical conclusion, his dad produced the orange juice.
I am thankful for
-a missed appt., due to weather which allowed for a great walk int eh snow will Bill and our dogs
-a visit to the bookstore with Emma
-my time with Julie G. this morning
Thank you, Julie, for stepping into the fire with me.
Jack continues to crack me up. Last evening he shared with us that he thought orange juice came from mens' breasts. When he was much younger he drank only milk, OJ and water. He knew I was the milk producer. Water came from the faucet and that left him with the only logical conclusion, his dad produced the orange juice.
Gratitude Journal December 10, 2013
Dec. 10, 2013
I am grateful for:
Breakfast for Dinner made by Jack, Emma and Bill. We had set it up in the morning, everyone with their assigned jobs. I figured by the time the evening came and we all got home from work and school, we would instead find something from the freezer to serve as a runner up meal. But everyone was committed to have Breakfast for dinner tonight. While I was't necessarily in the mood for eggs and french toast, it turned out to be an amazingly nurturing meal in many ways.
A great yoga class with Jenna today.
I loved the smile that Kathie S. gave Jenna today. Wish I could remember what was said to warrant it, but it was a very telling acknowledgment.
Decorating our tree.
I am grateful for:
Breakfast for Dinner made by Jack, Emma and Bill. We had set it up in the morning, everyone with their assigned jobs. I figured by the time the evening came and we all got home from work and school, we would instead find something from the freezer to serve as a runner up meal. But everyone was committed to have Breakfast for dinner tonight. While I was't necessarily in the mood for eggs and french toast, it turned out to be an amazingly nurturing meal in many ways.
A great yoga class with Jenna today.
I loved the smile that Kathie S. gave Jenna today. Wish I could remember what was said to warrant it, but it was a very telling acknowledgment.
Decorating our tree.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Gratitude Journal Dec. 8, 2013
Dec. 8, 2013
I am thankful for:
- my prayer being answered today
-for Jack and I deciding to change our morning plans and go to Uncle Joe's for Breakfast instead for good food, meaningful conversation and a great memory. Unexpected Christmas shopping with him turned out to be fun!
-spending some time getting house/studio work done and enjoying it
-Jenna teaching my class tonight so I could spend time with my family cutting our tree down. Her calling me afterwards to say thank you and that she has so much fun!
-The kids outside selling hot cocoa to the many cars on our street waiting to see the holiday show at our nieghbors
I am thankful for:
- my prayer being answered today
-for Jack and I deciding to change our morning plans and go to Uncle Joe's for Breakfast instead for good food, meaningful conversation and a great memory. Unexpected Christmas shopping with him turned out to be fun!
-spending some time getting house/studio work done and enjoying it
-Jenna teaching my class tonight so I could spend time with my family cutting our tree down. Her calling me afterwards to say thank you and that she has so much fun!
-The kids outside selling hot cocoa to the many cars on our street waiting to see the holiday show at our nieghbors
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